this is my blog. what is say is what i say. u dont like it den scram.
Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I stood at the window and inhaled a deep breath, slowly letting it out. it was not a breath of fresh air to liven me up, but a sigh to describe the stress, the exhaustion and the burden hung across my chest. some things in life is not all of us want it to be. the vivid pictures that pushed us towards our goal are like carrots hung in front us from a fishing rod on our backs. nothing that flashed across my mind happened. had none of the ideal circumstances occured? had i been too demanding? had i expected too much? is this considered too much? thoughts swirled in my head as i hopped from one to another.
like the evening sky, fading into night my ideals were gone. i still keep my hopes up, in case opportunity decides to knock on my door again. in life, what you do does not mean you get everything you want. sometimes, you just have to wait for opportunity to come knocking around.
posted at 2:11 AM
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Monday, July 9, 2007
'Cruel to the eye I see the way he makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching him hold what used to be mine'
The street was filled with romance as loving couples held hands and walked each other down the street enjoying each others company. Alone I sat, on the cold granite bench, under the dim orange lamp waiting for the clock to strike half past eight.
'Crushed me inside ...
For every word that caused you to cry
Don't know why
I left the one I was looking to find'
The dreaded moments played back in my head. All the screaming, all the yelling and arguing. I wondered how we ever met in the first place. What attracted me to her and she to me seemed a distant memory. Then, it struck me. Her beautiful marble eyes, the way she handled things just seemed so graceful. But then, ...
'Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore'
It seemed impossible, all things started to go wrong. We kept postponing dates, all the time that were meant for us to keep in touch either one of us always couldn't make it. Slowly, each of us faded out of one anothers life.
As i sat alone, on the cold, granite bench under the dimming street lamp, tears welled up in my eyes.
posted at 1:37 AM
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Sunday, July 8, 2007
We're so close, yet a shadow lingers in between us; separating us completely. Why? Why does this barrier have to come in between us? It's interfering with all our thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I feel as though we have never met before. It's like seeing the person sitting opposite you in the train carriage.
Could it be a third party interference? Is that person trying to tear us apart by inserting this barrier in between us? Why? If it is disapproving of me to be with her, tell it to me right in my face. Why bother with the fancy stuff? Do you draw pleasure from seeing people suffer in bewilderment from such emotions, you psycho?
I want to get closer. I want to be her friend. But yet, I want to maintain that distance where we can have our own privacy. How to do so without any intrusion of any sort? I fear that as time goes by, our relationship with each other will only dwindle and disappear altogether. I don't want that to happen. I'll be so lost without it.
All the pain will come back to me and I'll be my heartless self again. That will be totally undesirable. All those years of seeing couples holding hands and walking down the vividly decorated streets of Orchard Road, and eyeing them with jealousy and feeling the pain of that empty void will come back.
It is the lonely feeling that no one is there for you, the warm ocean breeze that only seems like an icy wind biting your cheeks. As you walk along the road you only see happy couples, laughing and talking, enjoying each others company while you only have your thoughts and cell phone to accompany you. When you watch a movie, you only laugh with yourself and at the end of the show, you see other couples holding hands telling each other how good the movie was while you only grasp the large coke in your hands and throw it away on the way out. When you achieve one of your intermediate goals, you only have yourself to rejoice with.
